How Well Do You Know Your Mother!

Mother’s full name? Judy LaSov

You’re in jail & you call her, what does she say? Do not know phone number. Do not know how to reach dead mother. Perhaps, a Ouija Board or psychic medium?  If I do reach her, jail will not be an essential element of our conversation. In fact, jail will not come up at all.

What is she doing right now? Good question. Some people say she’s watching me “from above.” But I have a different story of afterlife. It goes like this:

On the day a stranger cremated my mother, the molecules of her body ascended air. Flowers and trees inhaled her, absorbed her. She became sky, cloud, rain, earth.

Now my mother is busy being the atmosphere of everything. Like all mothers everywhere.

What kind of dressing does she eat on her salad? Has not eaten salad in 17 years. Dialysis diet restricted. Salad is a touchy subject, by the way. Because she was a Type-1 diabetic and anorexic & bulimic, which means food = super complicated. Avoided salad dressing in favor of sour but almost calorie-free balsamic vinegar.

 Name something she hates: Life with a chronic illness. Being dead. Sexism. Seersucker suits. Lace curtains.

 What does she like to drink? Coca-Cola. During an insulin reaction only. However, be forewarned: She might scream like the cup crawls with insects or poison.

 Favorite music to listen to? The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Wham!, Karen Carpenter, and especially “Close to You,” which she sang off key to her daughters  until they knew every word of that song.

 What is her nickname for you? May. For the first syllable of my name, for the month she was born, the month when roses and azaleas bloom, when flowers paint the land in Technicolor and we forget how hard winter was.

What is something she collects? Teapots, which her young daughters did not have the foresight to save when she died. So now their mother’s beloved collection sits in the homes of strangers or at the grimy bottom of a landfill. She would have wanted it this way. She would have wanted to free her daughters from the weight of a mother’s unfulfilled aspirations.

What would she eat every day if she could? Here’s the shitty thing about getting diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes in 1966: People made fun of her. Her family teased her. People said, “Mmmm. I’m eating this ice cream cone, and you can’t have any –– hahaha!” As if that were funny. As if, as a teenager, she wouldn’t learn how to binge and purge, wouldn’t learn the satisfying urgency and release of an addiction that trailed her though the rest of her life.

So, dear silly meme, the answer to this question is simple: She’d eat everything if she could.

What is her favorite color? Ripe cherry red, a color that makes her grown daughter shudder.

 What would she never wear? White shorts. They are an abomination unto the Lord.

What is her favorite sports team? Hmmm. She tried going to a baseball game once. Her daughters openly mocked the son of her boss, then disappeared for hours to do secret twin things. This was the end of attempting any family interest in sports.

What could she spend all day doing? Talking on the phone to all her cousins and friends while her introvert daughter hid in a bedroom and wondered how anyone could laugh so loud all the time.

What’s her favorite candy? Sometimes seen sneaking a box of Good & Plenty in bed while watching “The Golden Girls” and smiling like she believed she might live to be that old.

How many brothers & sisters does she have/had? Eldest brother, Bernard, died at four-and-a-half months, and proceeded her in death. Eldest sister died last September. Another brother still living.

 Favorite alcoholic drink? Admitted to getting drunk only once when she was “getting up the nerve” to have sex with a boyfriend who turned out to be the father of her children. This story, told as a cautionary tale to adolescent daughters, had zero cautionary effect.
Repost as How Well Do You Know Your Mother!

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